Ross's Story

Ross, 17, helps to look after one of his brothers who has a learning disability.

Ross’s brother is 13, but has a mental age of three or four. He was born with a chromosome abnormality, which means he has severe learning difficulties and problems with his behaviour.

He has a form of autism and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).

Ross lives at home with his parents, his three brothers and his sister, who are aged between seven and fourteen.

Helping out

Ever since I was old enough I have been helping out with my brother, mainly by playing with him, feeding him and helping him get dressed. I also look after him when our parents go out.

It is like looking after a three or four year old. He can’t talk, read or write, but he makes noises, which I can understand a bit.

How it affects us

It is very difficult for the family to carry out everyday tasks like shopping. We hardly ever go out and haven’t been on holiday for several years.

The most stressful part to deal with is his behaviour. He is ‘slap happy’, pulls hair and is very hyperactive. Sometimes he can be very obnoxious. He often wakes up really early in the mornings, which generally means that the rest of the family wakes up early too.

Looking after my brother has changed my personality in some ways – I have had to become more responsible.

Dealing with it

I don’t go out much, but I like to relax by sitting and listening to music in my room.

Usually I just bob along and try to keep calm, but sometimes I get fed up and deal this by shouting and screaming and storming off somewhere. I don’t really talk about it much to my friends, so I’m not sure what they know about it.

For one night every two weeks my brother is taken away to be cared for by someone else, to give us a break. This helps, but it is only for one night and so we never have a full weekend free. One thing that would really make a difference would be to have some more free time.

The future

Recently I left school. I never had any problems there, except for tiredness, but I didn’t enjoy it. For the last three months I have been working as an apprentice painter, which is going really well.

As a family we have all talked about what is going to happen to my brother in the future and how we will look after him. We have all agreed to share the burden as our parents get older. We can’t put him in a home, as it wouldn’t be fair on him.