Doctors have told us that the person I look after might die

Discovering that someone in your family has an illness from which they may die is very scary and upsetting for everyone in the family. You need:

• Clear information about what is going to happen and when.
• Someone to talk to who listens to you.
• Time with the person who has the illness.
• Time for the things you want to do too.

When we hear bad news, we can have lots of different feelings. We might feel some of these things:

• feeling very upset and needing to cry a lot
• feeling nothing at all and wondering why
• really sad –sometimes sadness can feel like a physical pain
• that the bad news is not true or is all a dream
• that it’s someone else’s fault. We might blame a parent, a doctor or someone else
• angry with the person who is ill because they can’t be there for us as much
• guilty – even thinking that we have caused that person’s illness.  Maybe we have wished that they were dead (or even said it to them) or have been unkind to them and believe that this is why they have died. Lots of us have thoughts like this towards other people at times but these thoughts do not cause them to die.
• lots of feelings all mixed up together like being on a roller coaster – ok one minute then sad the next
• scared

We all have different feelings when someone is ill. Other people should not tell you how you should be feeling – whatever you feel at the time is ok. You might find that there are times when you forget about what has happened and enjoy yourself – this is natural.

Other organisations:
www.rd4u.org.uk RD4U is a website designed for young people by young people and offers support to people after the death of someone close. You can read about other people’s experiences and use the Time-line to see how they felt at different times after someone had died.

www.winstonswish.org.uk/foryoungpeople/ is an interactive site for young people who have lost someone close.

The Childhood Bereavement Network website has a directory of local services: http://www.childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk
Tel. 020 7843 6309

The Child Bereavement Trust Information and Support Line offers a confidential service to professionals caring for bereaved children and families (office hours only) on 0845 357 1000.
Website: www.childbereavement.org.uk