"Dear Prime Minister"

A young carer explains how respite could have let her keep dad at home

Dear Mr Cameron,

It has been a pleasure meeting you today. I would like to give you some background information on how my father’s illness has affected my family and how important respite became to us.

My dad has Multiple Sclerosis and I have no firm memories of family life before my dad became disabled. I'm now 17 years old and have been caring for my dad for as long as I can remember.

My dad had to stop work because of his illness and this meant my mum had to go out to work in order to support my family. My dad was able to manage at home by himself for a while, whilst my two older brothers and I went to school.

My dad was a very independent man and still to this day will not accept his illness and so continued to try and do things beyond his capabilities. This resulted on many occasions in us children coming home to find him in precarious and difficult situations which we used to deal with as best we could until my mum got home from work.

Social Services became involved and my dad reluctantly agreed to have paid care workers come into our home. As his illness progressed he needed more care to the point of someone sitting with him 24hours a day. During this time we had limited respite when dad went away which meant that we could spend quality time with mum.

The situation was at breaking point when my mum was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and was off sick from work for five months. At this point my dad went into emergency respite which was almost three years ago now. This is where he still lives at present. It is a very nice nursing home where we can visit freely and he comes home once a week.

On hindsight I believe that if more respite had been available to us then maybe my dad would have been able to live at home for longer. For these reasons I am very involved with Young Carers who have given me much emotional and financial support over the years. This has motivated me to support the campaign this week to try and ensure more support is provided for carers.

For me and my family the respite we received gave my dad the opportunity to have a change of scenery and interact with different people. For the rest of my family it was an opportunity to relax and briefly step away from our continuous caring roles.

Especially for me it has been important for me to have time to spend with my mum and build a relationship that was previously strained because of all our energies being used to care for my dad.

The Young Carers Service also provided me with a short escape from my struggle with the reality and pressures of being a young carer. It allowed me to realise I wasn’t the only one struggling to cope with the pressures placed on me.

I really can’t put into words how important respite is to carers as well as the cared for. Having grown up caring for my dad and experiencing the emotional, physical and psychological strains it can bring, I would like to believe that by being here today I can at least try to make a difference in other carers’ lives, and especially young carers’.

Seeing someone you love deteriorating beyond your control whilst others you love also struggle to cope is the hardest thing I have ever had to face, but you can help many others like me to make it easier.

I plead with you to try and understand what a difference it could make to the lives of carers and the cared for. I know what a difference it could make.

Yours sincerely,

Louise