Dear Shona

You have a number of choices here, but the main two would probably be to get in there first before the school ring your parents and tell them your version of events.

The second choice is to wait and see whether the school do in fact call your parents because you use the term they have threatened to call your parents so there is an element of uncertainty. This could mean that you go ahead and tell your parents and then after all that stress the school don't ring.

The positives about you telling your parents first is that they get your side of things and also they should appreciate that you are choosing to tell them rather than wait for the school to contact them.

When you do talk to them at whatever stage, you should think about being honest like you have been in your email. Stating that you felt this would be a way of you fitting in with the cool crowd but that now you realise that this was not the best plan as it has just got you into trouble.

It sounds as though you don't have a very good self image if you describe yourself as the school loser. I am wondering whether this is how you see yourself or whether this is what people have actually said to you. Either way, messing around is probably not the way to get included in the cool crowd on a permanent basis and in this instance it sounds like you were the one who got in trouble anyway.

We tend to choose our friends by common interests or likes and dislikes, music for example. I wonder how much you have in common with this so called cool crowd or whether that is there attraction, just that they have this tag of being cool. Maybe there are less exciting people in school who have more in common with you and who would probably make more constant friends who would not necessitate your getting into bad behaviour in order to fit in.

You need to like yourself in order to be liked and that is something you could call ChildLine about on 0800 1111 if you felt you needed to talk to someone outside your family and friends network.

Hi Kiwi

I am really pleased that you have chosen to email as your life sounds very demanding as if you are being pulled in many different ways.

You don't go into detail but it does sound as if you are perhaps a carer at home and that this is getting in the way of your plans for the future.

Maybe ther is a way you can do both ? For example, is there a uni near to home so you don't have to move away from home (unless of course you feel that to move away from home would help). It is difficult to be too detailed because you have not said what the commitments at home are, however every young person should have the right to follow a college career and it maybe that you need to ask people like social services for help.

It may be that they can arrange extra cover while you are at uni but the main thing is that you are young with dreams and it is important that you explore all possibilities of support before you give up your dream of going to uni. You will only resent if you do not try everything to get there and you do deserve to go if you have worked hard towards this goal all your school life.

You are not a pain and you have not asked awkward questions. Perhaps the two main people to talk to are the school counsellor or pastoral teacher and the local social services if it is a fact that you need to find someone else to step into your role as a carer, or at least share that role.. You will not be a bad or a selfish person if you follow your dreams as it could benefit the whole family but, more important than that, it is your right.

Dear Helen

First of all how lucky is your Mum to have a daughter who obviously cares about her so much.

Just from an outsider point of view, it is your right to have a full education and in many ways you would be able to do more for your mum long term if you get a good education. So, even if you cannot do it for yourself at present, think about it from your Mum's point of view maybe.

There are organisations who should be helping you with this task of looking after your Mum. For example, social services and young carers. It should not be a case that you have to choose between your Mum or education. Education is your right. Obviously you need to be a major part of planning for the care of your Mum but there should be a way so that you can go to school full-time and also be there for your Mum before and after school and at weekends. Young carers need to have some time for themselves as well. It is not selfish to think like that. If you have some time out the time you do spend with your Mum will be fuller and ricvher.

You can always talk things through with ChildLine on 0800 1111 and they can even give you some on-going support while everything is being sorted out.

Congratulations Helen on being a number one daughter and I do hope that things work out for both you and your Mum.