Hello everyone.

I'm wondering if anyone has any advice for me. Things are pretty hectic here - we're redecorating some rooms of our house, and my mum seems to have an anxiety thing where she cant throw things away. She's kept things from about 30 years back, and even has stuff like cardboard boxes from 10 years ago. She says that the thought of throwing any of it away makes her feel sick because she has all these memories attached to them, like they're part of her life. I think it may be OCD-related, although she's never been diagnosed with anything like that, but it's quite extreme and I cant think of what else it could be. I'm trying to help as much as possible, but it's really hard and I dont know what I can do because we really need to throw this stuff away because we have to get all this work done in the next 6 weeks. She's really upset about it because my dad is really insensitive, he doesnt understand any of it. Even to the point where she's said she's leaving him because she hates him. Oh, and on top of all this she's said that she's going to try to quit drinking again, which should be a good thing, but generally this lasts about a day, and then she gets more drunk than usual. Fab stuff. I sound really horrible about this and I dont mean to be, I just dont know how to help and obviously I really care about her a lot. I'm having even more time off school than usual because of dealing with these things, as I dont like to leave her at home on her own when she's upset. Whoever wrote my school's attendance policy about "caring for a relative is not a valid reason for absences" obviously didnt have a clue.

Any thoughts would be really welcome. Does anyone else deal with stuff like this at home?

Hello S,

Things do sound very tricky for you hun. My mum is really the opposite, she cant stand keeping things so i dont think i have been in your situation. Does your mum have a support worker? If she does do you think it will be possible to talk to her bout how you are feeling?

Have you tried talking to your dad about how he is making your mum feel? Because sometimes people dont understand how there actions are effecting other people and sometimes they need to be told.

Sorry i couldnt be of much help, i hope things improve soon.

Shona

Thanks for the reply, Shona, it was really thoughtful of you My mum doesnt have a support worker or anyone like that, as she doesnt really admit that the things she experiences is a problem so has never had any professional help for anything.

I've kind of spoken to my dad about it, but he's a very unsympathetic person and I tend to get angry with him because of it and I dont really want to make things any more tense.
I dont know whether it's just me that gets really angry with the parent I dont care for because I feel he makes things worse, isnt helpful and just leaves me to be the one who deals with everything and makes sure it's all ok. Bit of a rant there, sorry.

But things are a bit better today anyway, so I just have to hope they stay okay.

S

Hello S,

No need to thank me for replying. To be honest with you me and my dad dont get on at all, although im normally the one causing upset in the family because me and mum clash. So your not the only one.

Anywayz I have to get on (boring washing up).

Will reply in further detail tomorow, just thought id reply now.

That doesnt make sense, oh well.

bye for now.

Shona xxx

I'm making a lot of posts here at the moment, arent I? I just thought I'd make a small update. My mum's been sober for 3 days now, which I guess is good, although I still cant really see it lasting. Last year she told me she was going to quit, and I was so happy about it, and obviously that didnt work out. So maybe I just dont want to be disappointed like that again. Or maybe it's because I havent noticed any difference in my mum since she's been sober, although I suppose I dont have many problems getting along with her when she's not drunk, so perhaps it doesnt matter. But some times it's convenient to be able to blame bad things on her drinking rather than thinking that that's what she's like. I suppose in a round-about way it is to do with drinking anyway
She says she thinks she'll be able to drink socially, but I dont really agree, but also dont want to tell her how I feel about it. Just... she seems to think she'll be alright having a drink socially, but she was sober(ish) for a few days before Saturday, then got really drunk at a party.

Anyway, I suppose I'll just have to see how it works out and hope things get better.