Hi everyone, i really need to vent sum of this im feeling so sorry if it doesnt make sense or i waffle.

y is eveything so boomin hard all the time? all i want to be is normal, like evryone else.  CAMHS are doing my flippin head in, wanting me to go to appointments when i really dont want to and just sit there.  I cant see my mum when i want to coz shes is hospital.  I want to get sum xmas prezzies but cant yet as i dont wanna ask my mums mate 4 money so g2 wait for my mum to get out.  I have so many feelings in ma head, i think i should blocked up in hospital and them throw away the key.

what have i done to deserve all this crap that ive had? had another visitng order from ma dad accompanied by a very long winded letter, which i threw away. should i see ma dad? after all hes done to me and my mum? but then its xmas and he wont see anyone else?

my doctor is an pleb aswel, asking me if im okay all the time when i go and see her. of course im not OKAY, uve ruined my life by reffering me to the bloomin CAMHS already, so no i am not.  just think that drs just follow what they think they shud do, and not look at the impact that there actions have.

i really feel like im going mad, all i want is a hug from ma mum, but at the moment ma mum aint ma real mum, shes a drugged up zombie. 

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 SORRY for going on i just cant wait till chat on sunday just to tlk to ppl hu actually understand what its like.

im sick of being the happy helen, the one who can cope with it all and be smiley to put on the "im ok face" when actually no im not ok, i want my mum back

okay il go, sorry

helen xxx